Seven weeks ago I had surgery for a hysterectomy. I am grateful that the surgery was successful and that the results showed there to be no cancer. The seven week recovery period has been going well and has also given me an opportunity for much reflection. The thoughts that have been going around in my mind are of endings and beginnings. The surgery has been a sign of an ending for me. I am out of the season of life where I will be bearing and raising children. That season now belongs to my daughters and daughter in law. I have also exited the season of being an energetic youth where aches and pains are more easily overcome due to resilience that is quicker to obtain. Going through this surgery has also made me more aware of my fragile mortality and the gratitude that I have for the Lord’s hand in my life to help me manage it.
This may seem like a eulogy, and in some ways it is. I am experiencing the passing of a season. It has taken me awhile to accept that my children are grown and creating their own lives. They no longer need me in the same way as when they were children in my home. I am grateful we have relationships that allow for me to enjoy being a part of their lives in a whole new dimension; I enjoy watching them progress in their adults lives and especially love being a grandmother to my four wonderful and most adorable grandchildren.
I am now in a new season. I am noticing in this new season that there is a new found freedom that I am unaccustomed to; I can do what I want. It’s funny because I remember when I was raising children I used to dream about being able to have time to pursue other activities that I didn’t have time for. Well that day is here and I often feel like the analogy of the elephant a chain. While he was on the chain he could only move around in an area as far as the chain would allow. However, once he was unchained he still moved only as far as the chain would allow. He wasn’t used to the idea that he could move further. I notice this in myself, I still tend to move only as far as my preverbal chain would allow.
My goal for the New Year is to begin to embrace this new season that I am in. The Lord has preserved my life and has helped improve the quality of my life through a successful surgery. He has a plan for me and I desire to find out what my purpose is and to live it by learning to move beyond where my previous chain would allow.
Though this is an end of an era it is also a Happy New Year!