Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Just Because

I was just thinking about the decision to make a change, do better at some aspect in your life or love more fully just because you want to.  You know deciding to do something without having some life crisis or the other motivating it?  Now I know that because we are spirits housed in bodies of flesh & bone going through  a mortal experience, and because of the trials in mortality that either by divine intervention or the consequences of our choices we are often compelled to make changes and that these experiences serve an important purpose. However, I believe  that if we worked to connect with our true spiritual character we could gain the  capacity to make decisions to do good, be better and love more fully, not only just because we want to, but for the mere joy of it. I almost feel like it is akin to what it means to develop a pure heart.  I believe as we work toward becoming more sacntified, we can experience  "just because" moments.

As I look back on my life, during times when I was having spiritual highs, I have had "just because" moments and they were some of the happiest experiences of my life.  I cant explain it, but I felt more confident and fearless because it felt like I was lifted to a spiritual plain where being and doing good was a place you never wanted to leave. because you were getting a taste of pure joy.  I just thought of how to describe it, its like you are on the door step of the city of Enoch and you want to make it your permanent residence.

Just because...I want to be there.

Monday, October 7, 2013


I have to admit, I do like technology.  I still am an old school girl at heart, I love paper, pencils, pens, notebooks & sticky notes in all colors & designs, but technology is amazing because of the doors it opens for writers like me who in the past would rarely have any of my work read by an audience of maybe just my Mom!  I do appreciate that she loved the very first poem I wrote on her vintage Royal portable typewriter.  I really thought I was pretty slick being able to use that bit of 20th century technology back in the day.  However, I have enjoyed making my way into the 21st century.  I enjoy having a cell phone the unlimited text, talk & data plan keeps me connected to those I love in real time and the day by day growth of my grandchildren.  What grandmother wouldn't be thrilled to watch a video of a child's first steps?

As a writer though, it is truly a thrill to be able to sit down on my Galaxy note 8 tablet and practice and share my craft anywhere or anytime.  So to my future audience, I look forward to sharing my thought, ideas, stories, experiences and insights with you.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Courage to Add My Voice

A little while ago, I read a blog by my daughter where she addresses a talk given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) during the Saturday afternoon session of General Conference this 5th day of October.  The talk is titled " Like a Broken Vessel" and he directly addresses the issue of mental illnesses with the focus being on depression.  He told us in this talk that those who are struggling should not be ashamed and that healing is possible.

My daughter was brave enough in her blog to admit her struggles with depression and anxiety.  Her courage has motivated me to add my voice with hers.  I have struggled most of my life with mental illness.  I too know what it is like to be depressed and depressed to a point of not wanting to function or sometimes not really feeling like I had a purpose for being on this earth.  I also struggled with a Disassociative disorder that made me feel like I was not normal and would never know what it would be like to live a normal life.  For the longest time I felt broken and often hopeless because the time that I grew up in, telling someone you had certain problems meant you were "nuts" and might have to be put away somewhere.  My struggles were added upon due to issues of abuse at different times in my life.  My ability to function and take care of my children was declining.  I knew I needed help and got down on my knees and turned to the Lord for help.  The Lord answered my prayers and I was blessed to receive help to heal.  The Lord as Elder Holland states in his talk is " the divine potter" that is helping to mend my broken vessel.

Writing this blog is out of my comfort zone. Even though it has been many years and I have experienced steady progress and success, it has been difficult to open up about the struggles of mental illness because of the fear of not being deemed "normal."  However, I'm tired of being afraid and realize that being deemed normal is not as important as the opportunity I have on this blog today to offer hope to others that are struggling with mental illness.

I testify that there is hope of coping and healing with mental illness through relying on Jesus Christ the Savior of the world.  He will help you, I know this because He has helped me. Day by day, year by year, he enables me in becoming more mentally and emotionally functioning.  He has walked with me not only through trials, but has provided me with accomplishments and success I had not previously thought could have existed. I ask any who struggle with mental illness to open the door to the Savior and invite his healing power into your life.  It isn't always easy, at times I still struggle, but because of the Savior I get stronger everyday and so can you.

Friday, October 4, 2013

They Say It's Your Birthday...

In a couple of more days, the 6th to be precise I will turn 54 years old.  When I was 12 I used to think that it would take FOREVER to be 18 years old, and before I knew it there I was 18 out of school and no clue what I exactly wanted to do with my life.  Several years later I was 23 married and soon raising a family of four beautiful children while finding myself one piece at a time along the way.  It's funny when you are experiencing adversity, which my family did quite a bit of, it felt like time stood still, but in reality it flew by quickly on the wings of life where I now find myself in my 50's with four grown children living their own lives.  One of the perks of being in my 50's is getting to be the grandmother of five of the most precious and sweet souls on this earth.
Middle age for me has been a time of new beginnings. I reconnected with a high school sweetheart, romance blossomed once again and we were married.  He is a wonderful man who accepts me as I am now; a middle aged mature woman and he treats me like a queen.   Life really is good in so many aspects. I sometimes groan at my current age because like so many others my body has changed and doesn't move as fast as it once did.  However, I think that 54 years old can be a magic age, a time where I am old enough not to have to impress anyone else and if I follow the spirit well, there are wonderful opportunities for growth in this season.

So as Lennon/McCartney so eloquently put it " Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na...they say it's your birthday. Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na you're going to have a good time."